I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
