My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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