K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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