my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
