Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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