My liver just broke up with me...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
