i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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