As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
