I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
