oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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