Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
