My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
