so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
