and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize