He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
