Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize