He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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