Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
