So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
