i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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