I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
