The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
