Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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