Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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