you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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