I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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