Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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