Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
