Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
