life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
