Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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