In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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