My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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