I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
