Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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