i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
