sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
