so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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