Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
