I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
