I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
