Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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