I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize