I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
