she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
