You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
