If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
