I am in a vortex of obligation.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
