She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
