Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
