I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
