Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
