when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
