So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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