So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
