she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
