isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
