Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
