are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
