You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
