I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
