Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
