Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
