I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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