she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
