You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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