There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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