we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
